Dear Mr Cameron,

Dear Mr Harris,

Rumours have it that your government plans to run a series of ads discouraging Romanian (and Bulgarian) nationals from going to UK. While some fellow Romanians are slightly annoyed by this I welcome this opportunity and encourage you to go on with your plans. You see, we are a rather sarcastic lot. A famous literature critic put it this way: frustrated with his wife’s prolonged labour, Nae mocks and denies the entire Romanian civilization. We would be more than willing to mock your civilizations also, if a proper incentive is provided. And your plan does provide a fine incentive indeed.

Secondly, living in a post-communist country, even after 20 years, we still maintain a discreet occasional smugness regarding those in the West who have never experienced “true evil”. This is most likely shared with Bulgarians also; it is a regional thing.

The economy being what it is, you are certainly concerned about the costs of copyright and distribution for your ads. Your voters likely share the same concern. Rest assured that you can leave this almost completely to us. You may have been informed that some campaigns are already being forged. This is good solid work, no doubt about it, but it is less than our best. What we need, what you can provide, is a unifying theme and slogan to make this truly viral. Then you can sit back and relax.

I understand that the noBritain ads may conflict with some yesBritain ads you run for Chinese investors. I do not expect any issues, as our cultural reach does not extend that far. Europe, however, is something we can handle. Romanian is a Romance language, closely related with Spanish, Italian or French. So three markets are already covered. One would certainly hate to see the French out of the loop. Bulgarian is a Slavic language. It is related, among others, with Polish or Russian. Rest assured that the Germanic languages, such as yours, will not be neglected. Romanians are adept English speakers, while Bulgarians tend to learn German easily. So, in-between our nations, we have Europe pretty much covered. With decent luck, even the Americas are not out of reach.

Therefore Mr. Cameron, Mr. Harris, whatever you have planned – bring it on. Give it your best, as we will certainly give ours.

Andrei Tiut

PS: Please send our best wishes to your Royal Family. We look forward to insert them into our urban folklore.